A whore because life groomed me just that way. Decisions I made before I knew that I was creating synapse in my brain that will be almost impossible to redirect later, once I get that I am the master of my destiny.

I created, by my response to pain a whore without a goal or  means to meet one in the first place.

As some know I was arrested and when they pressed me on those who destroy children’s childhoods I collapsed and went for help.

You know, I once called the rape crisis center and asked them to help me. You can read about the various rapes the formed my childhood in the early part of this blog.

They hesitated and claimed that it would be counterproductive to help a whore that wants to remain a whore. So I let it go. I know I developed my sense of me. But when the broken spirit and twisted mind ministers to itself, what can come of that is questionable.\

I saw “A Beautiful Mind” He understood that he could help himself without psychiatry. He said, I have appetites in my mind I can not indulge or feed. So the twisted-ness stood in the fringe of his awareness never to be acknowledged but all ways to be looming.

So I went back to the rape center and I again approached them, A whore, raped again and again and again and again and again and….. Still wanting to cope with the loss of me by selling me over and over again. I am the winner in my world.

You come to me and cum. I make you have the experience you hope for or perhaps I dash your dream. But you come to me and I take you.

Now, I am OLD. That is what some try to tell me, and it’s true! I feel old. But I KNOW I am vortex of sexuality that pulls you in and sucks your life force even at this tender age of 54.

I lost my place in the rape crisis center because of misunderstandings and time constraints. My emotions are overwhelmed with vulnerability and they are done with me.

I do t he best I can. My well being is tied into sex. If I am not sexed enough, I am not only broke but wounded. I say, I cry to providence – I AM THE WHORE YOU MADE ME – NOW pay me.

Drugs keep me from looking too deeply. Looking into to drugs keeps  me tied to common people. Hateful evil hurtful jellouse men and women.

I want to be loved and that is just not going to happen. My webmaster is dissapointed in me. My daughter clings loosely to what I can be for her. I try to keep up for the sake of my grandson.

I need people in my life to have expectations of me but I need them IN my life. Not just casting what they expect at me but cultivating some sort of character out of or into me.

Oh yea my parents did all of that they are going to do and that is all done and if I am to grow or change it will be because of ME. I am zero.

I once wrote a book called the nothing book. Every reference was about nothing and the whole book was about me. There are so many ways to refer to nothing and then there is the half of me. I wrote that book in one sitting on a spiral bound.

I tracked the loss of my soul and the one half that was left looking for the other half but finding you got it   ZIP ZERO NOTHING NOT NO EMTPY VACANT HOPELESS NOTHING BOOK ABOUT ME. It was quite clever and it was all true and it was lost in storage that wasn’t paid. I am sure that no one bothered to read it before they threw it away.

And that too means NOTHING

So my aching soul reaches out to different ones but because I am addicted in every single way no one reaches back with a grip to hold or sustain me in any way.

Floating, drifting, not landing, not hoping (much) no anchor there is just another day, another gal that doesn’t want to pay, another guy who wants what he wants and and and does not want anything more that that by any means.

Just because I am beautiful everyone thinks I should land and be fixed to someone or something but there is no sticktoitiveness to a single landing pier or otherwise.

Ache. Mom you died!

I want to hold a value. I don’t. Perhaps in my  quest to die I hurt innocents all the day long. A wife that hates me. But I do not initiate. I reciprocate.

so there

Let me be.

At one time it was very popular, that had everything to do with  my posting on it daily. I want to start doing that again. The way got my inspiration to write was through  a few different men and one woman. Tina was her name. She was sort of like my girlfriend though we never did have sex,

Then there were two men who were in constant contact with me and I was gushing with words to trY TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO THEM.

I know many of you know I got arrested. It is just a misdemeanor charge. No troubles it wasn’t at my house it was at an outcall so please don’t get to weary in coming to see me.

Also I have a roomy and this one is working out. Her breasts are much larger than mine and body similar. She enjoys bisexual experiences so ask to enjoy us.

Thats about it other than to say if anyone can dye my hair call me and if anyone wants to take photos call me. 7274100794

Some know. My poems tell it all cryptic, I know.

I want to reveal myself, so much, to  you and

that is hard in it’s self but not so hard I expire.

Hope you all like the poem.

Renee

I am required by ME to respond to the innocence of children and the preservation of their childhood.
I am 54 years old. Been a whore most willing since my teen years shortly after I was raped 7 times in a three month period at the tender age of 11. Now I am a whore. I didn’t know that I was making decisions based on that pain and those fears until I was completely and wholeheartedly whoring.

I love sex and what I do. But It was not fair to steal from me the hope of being a citizen, wife, productive in mainstream American legal professions.

I will ALWAYS expose and stop all forms of child abuse with no regard for my health or reputation. I ache for the little girl  “Holly Jones’ ME who was raped and then raped and then raped and then raped and then raped and then raped and then raped again by a total  10 men in one summer at the age of 11.

I’m crying for her right now. She did n’t look like an adult when she was 14 every single one of the men who had sex with me KNEW i was a little girl. I thought that I was so MATURE just like all those adult men told me. But I WAS NOT mature looking. I was a LITTLE GIRL. I look at little girls now and I know that I may have looked a year older than I was but i did NOT look like an adult.

I had NOONE to tell. in 1967 and my parents were not parenting back then. So I raised that little l girl with no one help but my own instincts. Later in my 30s I was taught that I make decisions and I was making choices back then and that there were other choices. NO ONE was revealing them to me I had me aT the ages of 11 -12 – 13- 14 – 15  and so on little girl to teach me.

So I weep for children in fetus that are devastated like I was. I have no regrets for what I do. I love to sell my body now. But I might have had a chance to be loved and I will always ALWAYS defend childhood and innocence.

If you need me.  7274100794
so when I train a whore I require them to have goals. The younger they are they MUST go to school and have a dream for their future. Because I love me. But I don’t want another me on earth.
reneemyrenee.com I love you wounded women.

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